This blog I wrote already in march 2023. At that moment I felt the need to write it all out of my system just to try to get some peace in my mind. It has always been a good way for me to get my system more relaxed. In a way it didn't felt good to publish is until today when I stumbled on this writing again and it felt ok to get it out in the open today. Maybe the time is right, or is it even the best time to share with you the first moments of my inner journey and my really personal experiances with you. I came a long way since the crucial event which is almost 1 year ago..... Hope I can inspire you, that you find recogonision or some other benefit from reading my inner fights, about the ptss, about my thoughts and experiances. Nevertheless thAnk You for being here.
EGO Strike or Higher Purpose?
It remains incredibly difficult to talk or write about our experiences without touching something in my system that puts me in a state of intense grief. All three of us are suffering tremendously, each in our own way, from post traumatic stress syndrome which I will elaborate more on in another blog. Even though talking and writing takes a lot of energy and is a mental strain, I want to share my story with you. Now you will probably think, "Why do you want to share it so much?" A question I have also asked myself many times. A question I have also been asked many times and which I now feel the time is right to answer through my blog.
To do or not to do?
It sounds almost like Shakespeer. (Just have a good look at that word SHAKEspeer) When I turn deep inside myself in a meditation, for instance, and try to feel where the answer lies, I always end up with the same answer: "This has a higher purpose, I 'must' bring this out, it is a task". Yes nicely said I hear you say, there are so many people who go through something intense and even suffer ptsd and also do not share their story with the whole world. Why do you? Is that an EGO thing? Do you need attention? Do you want to make yourself special? Is it even safe? And even comments "Would you? Isn't it better to put this behind you. Gosh you have your child back leave it be, just start again you have it hard enough. Why do you worry so much about others? Isn't enough being written about them? At first, they are plausible comments or viewpoints but not for me. Not even after very long weighing, considering and especially after feeling. No this has nothing to do with my EGO. Far from it.
Pioneering
My deep, sincere reasons for making my experience known is part of me, part of who I am and what I have come to do here on this earth. A common thread in my life. Pioneering has been visible many times during my life and it always will be. Paving the way for those who come after me whoever they may be. It is part of who I am. So I cannot help but respond to the inner strength to share with you my story of what happened to us as a family. Something deep within me drives me to come forward. From the very beginning after the conscious day LAW was abducted, out of nowhere the message came into me "This has a higher purpose", what the exact higher purpose is is slowly made visible to me by very small things. One of those things are the dates we have to deal with, dates when a letter arrives, a notification sent by us, situations that happen that make you think "How is that possible? Or this is coincidental" The universe and many others assist us step by step on our way.
Change the world start with yourself
Am I going to change the world? Do you have the illusion of being able to change it? Yes! is wholeheartedly my answer in togetherness with you. If only on a small scale which starts with you having already read this far. Hang in there is more to come....
I still find the most beautiful sentence: "Change the world, start with yourself". That is exactly what I have been doing for years and this child abduction by the Spanish government that has completely turned my and our lives upside down on every conceivable level has created a new starting point. I firmly believe that everyone has a life task on this earth and my entire life I have been unconsciously (perhaps consciously) prepared for the task I am now working to accomplish. My world has been brutally changed at the hands of third parties however this absolutely does not give them the right to control my life or that of our family in any way! No one can take away or control your soul, your being, your being, your thoughts and feelings. These are yours! They are your truth. In English, it is so beautifully put in two simple words: I AM and that is exactly the place where infinity and all that is comes together and you are untouchable and connected.
Life task or Purpose?
My task, apparently, is that I had to experience something incredibly intense (among so many other life experiences gained) in order for me to accelerate my mission on earth. A mission to connect people and make visible what is happening in the world. To shine a light on the subject of child abduction, child trafficking, injustice, corruption, violation of children's and human rights and the unbelievable dirty actions that go along with it at local, provincial, national and international level. It almost sounds like coming from EGO, but no this goes much further........ this is no longer a choice for me. Losing everything makes you combative when you have sunk through the bottom and are helped and assisted by so many wonderful encounters and people to come back to earth you simply know that you have found your life's purpose for this moment. Somehow I am grateful to all those, would almost say idiots because without them I would not have found this! My life task for this moment is to share our story with you so that it becomes even more visible and people are connected so that together we form an ever stronger front and this whole black business disappears.
And now?
Now more than eight months on, we are through the first layer of trauma, the sharpness has come off a bit and is now giving way to inner wariness. Every day we are still kept busy and confronted with the event of 12 July 2023, the blackest day of my life. It is continuously present, sometimes in the foreground, sometimes gone for a while and sometimes present in all intensity. The first few months were very tough and we were only in survival mode. Licking wounds and trying to heal from the intense trauma which was brutally disrupted because the Dutch Authority (Roving Terrible Dragons Herd a.k.a. Raad voor de Kinderbescherming) had thought that they too should do something with this as the Spanish authorities had decided to keep harassing and intimidating us.
Life stands still.... it seems that way
Our lives stand still in this sense, cannot move forward or backward and only take care of our own healing. We try to create as much stability as possible for our family, make punitiveness a part of every little daily thing. The most important thing is for lucca to feel safe, loved and special again. His struggles are the hardest and it pains me to watch his struggles. We are blessed to have some beautiful souls assisting him and us in this process in a very loving and professional way. Lucca is incredibly strong but this abduction and his stay in prison as he calls himself has scarred him for life. Our job to minimise the damage, it will never go away. His view of the world has changed drastically however every now and then I see glimpses of his intensely beautiful and powerful militant side surface. He wants to be normal like everyone else, like every child around him, not to have to think about that event, to be who he is in freedom and that was brutally taken away from him by his abductors. He blames them very much for that and that is putting it mildly. We often cannot find the words to describe these feelings. It runs deep, very deep. They tried to make us wingless, they did not succeed. We have not fallen to our knees, the wounds are healing and our feathers are growing back so that we can fly together again on a sky blue sky in freedom as life is meant to be for you, for me, for all of us.
All this has become just an issue and a quick, fierce preparation, a training even, for what will soon take place in the finale.
Finally LOVE ALWAYS WINS
Greetings from my Heart to Yours
linda
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